“I have done everything wrong!”
I came to that realization recently as I listened to Ann Voskamp’s book The Broken Way.
I have been the too busy, driven person, too often unavailable in various ways and not present to those around me. Distracted by and overwhelmed with my to do list, striving to check off one more task. I feel that I have missed so much because of living many years of my life that way. It was doing it the wrong way for me in that I now wish I would have been more present and available to others, and especially to the Lord.
The Broken Way is an excellent book. It makes me want to grow in so many ways. It leads me in doing a lot of deep thinking. It made me realize more of my brokenness. It brought me to a place of feeling a sadness that led me to repentance. I talked with the Lord, I talked with my husband, and I talked with some dear friends, in the days that followed, about my realization. The sadness felt big.
My husband and I were recently walking through some rocky farmland, and I started to hunt for a treasure. I love rocks, but I wanted a really special one. It was freezing cold out and the wind was blustery, so my time was limited. I settled for a piece of a rock that looked like quartz on one side. I wasn’t thrilled with it, but I liked the shiny quartz side. I really wanted something that had a special meaning to me, but I could’t seem to find that special rock.
Sounds silly, I know, but it seems more often than not, the rocks I find have a special lesson for me. And as it turned out this one does also.
It was three or four days later after my finding the rock, I was writing in my prayer journal, the rock sitting on my bedside table. I glanced at it feeling disappointed as I wrote to the Lord a prayer about my brokenness.
I picked up the rock and looked at the quartz side under my bedside lamp. It was then I found that this rock is very special and extremely meaningful, more so than I could ever imagine. There on the quartz side in the pattern of the rock is a tiny little heart in the rocks own lines. “There is love in the brokenness.” That is the thought that went through my mind. The Lord loves me in and through my brokenness.
You see, that rock is a broken rock, I have a piece that is probably only a third of the whole rock. It is because it is broken that I can see the beauty of the shiny quartz. It is because it is broken that I could see the heart in the pattern of its lines.
It is now in my brokenness that I see more of the beauty of the Lord’s presence shine into my life. It is in my brokenness that I find that I am more open to my own neediness for His love and to know his heart.
I am thankful, so thankful, to the Lord for the amazing ways He shows me His loving presence. He knows exactly what I need in my brokenness, and even leads me to a rock in the middle ofan entire field of rocks to show me He is with me in my brokenness. He hears my prayers, He knows my heart. He loves me in such extravagant ways.
He is a personal God full of love for His children.
THANK YOU LORD FOR YOUR AMAZING LOVE TO ME!