Lord, I Need You, Always!

There is no truer statement. We are a needy people.

My recent blogposts have narrowed in on our crumbling states of emotions that magnify our neediness before the Lord. I want to take one more look at these. Difficult times come up frequently in life and God’s Word gives us so many tools to help us through time when we are hurting in this life.

We considered times of exhaustion and the treasures the Lord gives us in the darkness. When we have grown so incredibly tired from the pressures of life, the Lord in His great love for us, shows up in amazing ways. We can look back and see how He has gifted us. We can see His presence through times when life seemed impossible, when we felt as though we were crawling through a dark cave alone.

We looked at our need for the Lord in the midst of helplessness. When suddenly we come to the end of ourselves and realize we are unable to make a situation any better, when it is evident that we are powerless to change anything, it is then we realize we need help. It is then we must reach to the Lord. King Jehoshaphat’s responded to an impending battle he faced with beautiful words of prayer. We can take his words in our times of helplessness and speak to the Lord, “We do not know what to do but our eyes are upon You.” (2 Chronicles 20:12) The Lord will hear us as He heard King Jehoshaphat, and He will work on our behalf.

We learned from Elijah about the neediness in depression. Elijah’s story led us to see the Lord’s love throughout Elijah’s downward spiral. The Lord met Elijah at each time of need. The Lord knows our deepest needs as well. We saw how the Lord can whisper in His still, small voice, words of hope into our brokeness. He gave direction to Elijah after He had fed him and strengthened him.

We discovered that people respond differently to fear. Caleb and Joshua showed us what we need to remember when we are afraid. Rather than cower and choose to run away, Caleb and Joshua remembered the truth about who God is in the face of giants. We, too, need to remember who God is in the face of our seemingly insurmountable giants that we come upon in our present day lives. The reality of the Lord’s presence with us in everything should bring us confidence and courage. He is our strength and He promises deliverance from all of our troubles.

Emptiness is another place of neediness we considered. O how the Lord desires to satisfy our hearts. He has come to give us abundant life. He can fill the emptiness as nothing else can. We only must seek Him, that is what He desires most of all.

Finally, we looked at our neediness in loneliness. We learned from Jeremiah how he coped with his loneliness as a prophet. He showed us the importance of being honest with the Lord regarding our feelings. And he demonstrated how to feed on the Lord’s faithfuness- remembering God’s goodness and work in our lives during previous trials and difficulties. The Lord promises to always be with us.

Moment-by-moment in our lives we learn more and more of how very needy we really are. And in those times, if we don’t cry out with words, our heart cry out, “Lord, I need You!” We cry with desperation and the Lord hears us. Time and time again we see in the Bible how the Lord met His people in their pain and suffering.

God has not changed and our responses to trials are not much different from those living in Bible times. God knows what we need. We only need to seek Him in our neediness. We must look for Him and He will be found, for He is always faithful!

Just a side-note:

Summer is flying by, and our garden is growing beautifully with the plentiful rains the Lord has provided. My husband and I already have begun doing some freezing of vegetables and there is much more to do. Soon we will begin canning. I know my posts have not been on schedule due to the summer’s busyness, I will try to post once a week throughout the next couple months. I hope that your summer has been a time of learning more about the Lord’s love and provision. Thank you for being a faithful reader!

Sweet Blessings to you, Cheryl

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Lord, I Need You, I am Lonely

Do you feel lonely? We all go through seasons of loneliness.

  • Times when we feel no one is really listening.
  • Times when no one sees who we are.
  • Times when it seems that no one even cares what we do.

We want to be known.

Loneliness makes my heart hurt. It is sad. It is a very needy feeling. To me loneliness is the absence of heart connection. We each need connection to different levels of depth. And when we are disconnected for whatever reason we can feel lonely.

  • It could be your spouses pre-occupation with their own stuff that leaves you feeling lonely.
  • It could be because you feel isolated emotionally by what you are going through leaving you to feel as if no one understands.
  • Or, maybe the busyness of life leave you feeling disconnected.

There are so many scenarios that can leave us feeling lonely. When we are lonely we feel empty and deeply desire to receive understanding and acceptance.

Loneliness can be felt whether you are alone or in a crowd, it’s a feeling of isolation. You may be at a family gathering or alone in your apartment and loneliness can strike.

The prophet Jeremiah was isolated by his calling. The Lord called him to tell the Israelites difficult things and no one wanted to listen to him. Jeremiah chose to listen to the Lord despite the pain this brought him. He obediently shared the Lord’s words to these rebellious people.

The Lord forbids Jeremiah to interact with the Israelites, in fact, Jeremiah was told not to get married or have children. Jeremiah didn’t have any close relationships in his life. This caused him to struggle.

We struggle in our times of loneliness also. Our personal times of loneliness may not be because of God’s call on our lives, but our feelings may be similar to Jeremiah’s.

The book of Jeremiah reveals that he was ridiculed and insulted because of the words he had to proclaim. We learn that Jeremiah had no close friends. We hear him becoming angry and frustrated with the responses of the people whom he shared God’s message with because they refused to listen.

Jeremiah’s loneliness led him to feel depressed and to even wish that he had never been born.

Jeremiah was honest with the Lord about how he felt. We see this most often in the book of Psalms. Ths often allow their raw feelings to spill out to the Lord. We too can be honest before the Lord with our feelings and needs.

Jeremiah was able to help himself through this difficult time by remembering what the Lord had promised. Psalm 37:4 tells us to “feed on His faithfulness.” This verse stands out to me in the midst of all neediness. It helps me know, as I remember God’s words to me or as I remember all He has done for me, that I can find hope.

God’s promise of bringing the people under a new covenant brought Jeremiah hope to help him keep moving forward. We too can think back to what the Lord has done in our lives. We can hold tight to verses that He has used to speak to our hearts. We can find hope and know that He is present with us.

The Lord knows our desperate need for connection. He gives us the Holy Spirit when we accept Jesus as Savior. We can constantly speak to Him who lives on the inside of us. We can choose to share what is on our hearts and minds knowing that He listens and cares.

When we go through times of loneliness we need to call out to God. We can say again, “Lord, I need you!” We can tell HIm what we need:

  • I need acceptance.
  • I ned to feel loved.
  • I need to be known.
  • I need connection in my life.

We can, also, talk with those we know who love us, about how we are feeling and ask for help through the difficult times. It may mean asking for a listening ear, or finding a time for deep sharing. Possibly, it may mean talking something out to develop understanding with another person.

We need to reach out to the Lord and others, especially in our loneliness.

We can find hope as we seek the Lord in all neediness.

 

Lord, I Need You, I’m Empty

When we are feeling empty, it seems that we cannot find satisfaction in anything. We feel discontent and are left wanting. Sometimes we feel as if we don’t know which way to turn. We often wonder why we are feeling this way.

Psalm 81 gives us a hint to a possible reason. Psalm 81 is a call to obedience. The psalm shares an overview of the Israelites journey out of Egypt and their choices to live in disobedience. The Lord wanted His people to listen to Him, as a parent wants their children to listen and be obedient. But the Israelites wanted their own way, they wanted to make their own plans, so they refused to live in submission to God a lot of the time.

Things haven’t changed much. Fast forward to my life or your life. There are times in life that our emptiness can come out of a place of disobedience. we too choose our own ways, and make our own plans apart from the Lord. We soon find out that we cannot find satisfaction apart from the Lord. No matter how many options, we try we are left unsatisfied.

F.F. Bruce explains our plight this way, “The soul’s deepest thirst is for God Himself who made us so that we can never be satisfied without Him.”

The LORD tells the Israelites in Psalm 81:10, “I am Yahweh your God, who brought you up from the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide and I will fill it.”

The Lord wants us to be satisfied, He wants us to know abundance in Him and not hunger, but only in turning to Him to have our needs met can we experience true fulfillment.

Emptiness may also come to our hearts and lives in order to create a spiritual hunger. The Lord wants us to desire Him and be in relationship with Him.

Deuteronomy 8:2-3 says, “Remember that the LORD your God led you on the entire journey these 40 years in the wilderness, so that He might humble you and test you to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep His commands. He humbled you by letting you go hungry; then He gave you manna to eat which you and your fathers had not known, so that you might learn that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.”

The Lord humbled the Israelites by letting them go hungry. He wanted them to realize their absolute dependence on Him He wanted them to feel their desperate neediness apart from Him. He wanted to know what was really on their hearts. Were they fickle or true? Yet, when they cried, out He provided them with manna in the wilderness. He showed them His love by meeting their need.

The Lord desires for us to see that He is present to meet all of our needs. He loves us too much to allow us to constantly feed on the junk food of this world. So, although we may go through times of emptiness, when we run to Him, like the prodigal son, we will find that His heart is always love and His desire is to satisfy us.

God is a good Father who wants the best for His children in every situation. He loves us with a perfect love. God will allow us the freedom to seek other things to satisfy ourselves, but once we realize how empty we are, He knows we will run to Him. He waits for us to cry out to Him, “Lord, I need You.” And then there in our emptiness He will satisfy our hungry hearts with the perfect manna.

It always comes down to recognizing the REAL need so that we really may know satisfaction. The need is Jesus.

Lord I Need You, I’m Afraid

Do you struggle with fear?

I know I do. I learned to be afraid of storms as a child because of the fear demonstrated by two adults in my life. I continue to struggle with this fear even after all these years.

Fear can paralyze me in an instant. A little over a year ago when I was going to have surgery and I started to read about what I had to go through, I became very anxious.  The fear and anxiety were overwhelming.

There are so many times fear can engulf our hearts, and we need only cry out, “Lord, I need You!” The Lord has many lessons to teach us in the circumstances that life brings. I remember one that occurred just prior to my surgery. I had decided to take a walk, and as I walked I was talking to the Lord about all of the fear within. I rambled on and on, hoping to somehow find some relief for the anxiety within. My thoughts were racing, my brain was conjuring up all kinds of awful possibilities. And then suddenly, “PEACE, BE STILL.” The words literally stopped me in my tracks. The raging sea of anxiety calmed immediately. How had I forgotten that God was with me? How had I overlooked the fact that He would be with me during the surgery?

How do we forget God and His great power to help us through the fearful times in our lives?

The Israelites forgot too. In Numbers 13 we learn that the Lord had instructed Moses to send spies to scout out the land of Canaan. The Israelites wer finally getting close to entering the Promised Land. So Moses followed the Lord’s instruction by sending one man from each of the 12 tribes. Before they went he gave them a list of things to evaluate as they traveled. They were to see if the people living in Canaan were strong or weak and if there were many or few. They were to check out the land and see if it was good or bad, whether it was fertile or unproductive. They were to see if the people lived in encampments or in fortified cities. And they were told to also bring back some of the fruit that grew there.

The trip took the twelve men 40 days. When they came back to give their report, of course, the men had different viewpoints regarding what they had seen. Our level of faith leads us to see the same obstacles in different ways. Ten of the men shared how daunting the large, fortified cities were and how strong the people were. When the Israelites heard this they became very riled up. So much so, that when Caleb wanted to speak he had to quiet the group down. Caleb told the group that they definitely should go and conquer the land. His idea wasn’t popular after hearing what the other men had to say. Caleb knew that the Lord would be with them and he trusted that the Lord would be their help. Yet, the other spies went on with their report causing the Israelites to fear even more as they talked about the giants of Nephilim.

When fear overtakes us it is an obvious sign that our trust is dissipating. Our trust is God diminishes. We forget the truth that God is who He has told us He is, and that He can do what He says He can do. When fear takes over the giants only increase in size and strength. Our God becomes a dwarf in comparison. Our thinking becomes skewed and all hope is lost.

Have you been there? Maybe you are there now? What insurmountable giants stand before you? Is it disease? Or an upcoming surgery? Maybe you’re in the midst of a messy divorce that causes you fear. Or is it a job loss which means a loss of income?

When we look at circumstances with faithless eyes, we see with fear all that is coming at us. When we remember God’s faithfulness and look at circumstances with trusting hearts suddenly the giants are conquerable because our God is a great God.

Deuteronomy 31:5 tells us: “Be strong and courageous, don’t be terrified or afraid of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

The Lord goes with us. He won’t leave us no matter where this life takes us. Psalm 91 promises that the Lord will deliver us. It says that we can take refuge under His wing and He will cover us with His feathers. What a beautiful picture of safety and security. The truths of the Lord’s faithfulness will be our shield of protection. We can count on Him.

Jeremy Camp’s song “The Same Power” says that the same power that God used to raise Jesus from the dead is the power we have access to. The Lord can calm the raging sea and I know from personal experience He can calm the anxiety and fear raging in my heart.

If you are living in fear today, remember God. Remember His loving presence, call on Him, you are not alone.

Lord, I Need You, I’m Depressed

Sadness is a part of life. It is often related to or can be attributed to life circumstances, disappointments, or losses. But there are time of deep sadness or even depression that can really knock you down.

I went through a very deep depression a number of years ago. It was a time of darkness and hopelessness. I was out of work for 11 months. I felt like I was drowning, and I couldn’t find my way out.

When we deal with depression we have varying responses as to how we get help, or even if we get help. I met with a Christian counselor and she helped me work through some issues that were affecting me. I also went on medications to help me with my depression, anxiety, and sleep issues.

The more I knew about the emotional pain from which my depression stemmed, the more I felt like I knew exactly what I needed to have happen in my life so that I could go on. It was a heart neediness that I needed help with. There was a deep emptiness, a hurt endured, a need unmet, but, my first response was not to call out to the Lord. I thought that I knew what I needed and I tried to manipulate getting the need met on my own terms.

It took a number of months of suffering before the Lord made it clear to me that I was praying for Him to work in my solution in my predetermined way rather than coming to Him for healing according to His wisdom. I prayed that the Lord would work it all out according to my plan.

When I finally accepted that truth of my sin and confessed it, I chose to ask Him to heal me His way. It was then that I saw Him work in my heart and life. It was amazing how He showed me His love for me and helped to grow my trust in Him.

He used the medications, the counselor, and the doctor to help me through, but He is absolutely the One who healed my heart. He knew I needed to trust Him with my neediness. in the deepest of ways. He knew I needed a deeply intimate relationship with Him more than I needed anything else.

O Lord I need you!

Elijah went through a period of depression. It is recorded in 1 Kings 19 in the BIble. Elijah had just experienced God’s miraculous, supernatural power in response to his prayer. And the next thing we read is how Elijah is filled with fear. He is exhausted, he is depressed, and he wants to dies.

Elijah had been running because his life was being threatened. One day he knows the hope of God’s power and suddenly he can only feel the gloom of despair. The Bible doesn’t explain how Elijah gets from that mountaintop joy of a miracle to the place of defeat and despair. But the Lord is there too. Elijah tells the Lord that he just wants to die. And, God meets him in that place.

I think when we are feeling so depressed we often just want the pain to be gone. And sometimes the pain is so excruciating we just want to die.

The Lord knew Elijah’s need and met him there. We too can cry out to the Lord in our neediness. The Lord know our needs. He knew that Elijah felt lonely and scared. He knew that Elijah was exhausted and in need of food and water. And the Lord met those needs.

The Lord also knew that Elijah needed to know the Lord in a new way. I think that the Lord allows us to hit rock bottom so that we can look up with new eyes of neediness to see Him again. It is in those wilderness places of life when we feel no hope that the Lord wants us to see Him as all we need.

Elijah had just seen the Lord send fire down from heaven. Elijah had prayed and trusted that the Lord would answer and prove Himself as True God. Yet when Jezebel threatened his life he crumbled.

I know one thing I realized about my faith in my depression mostly after my depression is that the Lord wanted me to grow in my trust of Him. He wanted me to share the depths of my neediness with Him and depend on Him in it to care for me and satisfy me.

God is a personal God who is able to do amazing and miraculous things in this world. yet we so easily forget that He is that same able God in our personal wilderness of depression.

Yes, He has given us doctors, counselors, medications, and books that we can turn to for help. But He desires us to bring even our deepest neediness to Him. Nothing is too hard for Him. He wants to personally show us His glory. He wants to whisper hope in His still, small voice into our brokenness.

The Lord is able to take the deepest hurt and emotional pain and bring healing. He is able to use whatever we have gone through for His glory. He is able to satisfy our hearts with His love and with His perfect plans for our lives. When you cry, “Lord, I need you,” you can expect Him to show up and work in that hurting place. It may not be an overnight fix, but He will hold you in the pain and bring you to a place of new hope. We can always depend on and trust in HIm!

 

 

Lord, I Need You: I’m Helpless

Helpless. Desperate.

There are times in life when we just feel as if there is nothing we can do. We can’t fix or change the situation and life seems impossible.

There is a great story about a situation that seemed impossible to King Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicles 2. He was feeling desperate. The Moabites, Ammonites, and some of the Meunites were coming to fight against him in Jerusalem. There was a vast number coming and they were getting closer. There was no time to prepare and this left the King feeling very helpless, it seemed that there was nothing that he could do.

Have there been times in your life when it felt like everything was coming down on you? Maybe you feel like that right now. You see it coming, and it seems that there is absolutely nothing you can do. King Jehoshaphat had these vast armies coming at him and he wasn’t able to prepare.

  • Maybe you have an overwhelming number of expenses hanging over your head and you don’t know where the money will come from to pay all of the bills.
  • Maybe it’s cancer that is spreading or some other illness warring on a loved one’s body or your body and you are left feeling helpless.
  • Or maybe it’s your adult son or daughter who has made  wrong choices and now faces court sentencing that will soon mean a prison term.

Whatever it is you are not able to fix it or change it. What do you do in such a desperate situation? Kin Jehoshaphat chose to seek the Lord and then he proclaimed a fast for all those joining him. Many gathered before him and he stood up and prayed.

He begins his prayer by recalling how the Lord has met them in their troubles, in their needs, and in their helplessness before. Have you seen God at work meeting you in previous times of difficulty?

King Jehoshaphat tells the Lord that no matter what kind of disaster comes upon them, they will stand before Him and cry to Him in their distress. They know where their help comes from. They know that the Lord will hear and will answer. It has been their experience with the Lord to see Him work on their behalf and they come to Him in faith. King Jehoshaphat’s confidence is fully in the Lord’s ability, he knows that he himself is helpless.

The king went on in his prayer telling the Lord of their previous dealings with these who were about to come against them. He reminds the Lord that He had not allowed them to be invaded, but these armies were coming to drive them out of the land that the Lord had given them. King Jehoshaphat asks the Lord if He wouldn’t bring judgment upon these armies because Israel is powerless before such a vast number of warriors.

And then, there is this key phrase in the king’s prayer. He tells the Lord, “We do not know what to do, but we look to You.” Wow, that is a prayer of helplessness. The feasible options have run out for us, there is nothing we can do. That is what the King is telling the Lord, he is saying I now am helpless in this situation, but I know You are able, so “we look to You.”

When we come to that place of helplessness, we can place all of our hope and trust in the Lord and look for Him to act. Are you in that place, helpless, there is nothing more that you can do? Don’t give up, keep reading because our great God is amazing.

So, the story doesn’t end there, God hears and speaks to one in the crowd by His Spirit. The Spirit tells them not to be afraid, and not to be discouraged, because the battle is not theirs, it is the Lord’s. Can you feel the peace wash over you?

Think about your situation the one that has left you feeling helpless. The battle against evil is not ours. The battle against the sin in this world is not ours. Satan has come to deceive and destroy. He has come to discourage and send you into despair. Satan does not want you to find hope in God. But the Lord has told us the Truth, “Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.” (1 John 4:4). We only need to call on Jesus and the enemy will flee.

The Lord goes on to tell the Israelites exactly what to do, they must walk in faith knowing that “YAHWEH is with them.” God’s with us too, Immanuel literally means, “God with us.”  We have His presence, and access to His power.

Now you may be thinking, yes, but I prayed for this person who was dying in hopes that the Lord would save her life, but she died. And my friend’s son has been in prison for years, despite our prayers for his freedom. I know we often cannot understand the ways of the Lord.

The point of seeking Him is that in our helplessness there is no one else to go to that has the power to change things but Him. He is the one that can lead us, comfort us, and make His presence known to us in the midst of the situation. He is truly our Hope in our helplessness.

King Jehoshaphat listened to the Lord’s instruction through His Spirit, and followed His directions. They went out to the battlefield singing and praising God. Yes, in their helplessness and in their desperation, in the midst of this impossible situation, they trusted God and sang praises to His name.

They knew God’s faithfulness, and the Lord worked on their behalf setting an ambush against their enemies. Those that came to war against Israel ended up destroying each other. Israel found the place where the war was to take place covered in corpses.

And as if that wasn’t good enough, King Jehoshaphat and the people gathered the plunder. They were busy for three days gathering the abundance of goods and valuables. They found so much that they count even carry it all. The fourth day they spent praising God. They went back to the temple to worship the One who helped them in their helplessness.

We often strive in every and any way we can think of to make the situation work or at last to get it to seem better, we try everything humanly possible. And sadly enough, we often forget to even seek the Lord in our helplessness.

What situation in your life is leaving you feeling helpless right now? Have you tried everything? Are you discouraged and ready to give up? When we come to a place of desperation, let’s remember King Jehoshaphat’s prayer, “We do not know what to do but we look to You.” Truly, the Lord has the answer. And take time to recount to the Lord His amazing faithfulness as you cry out to Him in your desperation and helplessness.

I will be honest, there are times that I don’t think that His way is best. I have it all figured out and want it to go my way. But EVERY single time He works it out for His glory and I can tell you that He satisfies my heart through it. His ways are perfect. His way may not be easy, it may lead us through wilderness places, but He will meet us in them and hold us in His love.

His loving presence is what I need all of the time, and He is the One I will look to in my helplessness. What about you? Will you go to Him and cry out, Lord I need You!?

 

 

Lord, I Need You … I’m Exhausted

Matthew 11:28-30 NIV “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Jeremiah 31:25 NIV “I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.

Psalm 62:5 “Yes, my soul, find rest in God, your hope comes from him.”

I have known the feelings of exhaustion during various times in my life, but the time that stands out the most is during the period of time when my dad’s Alzheimer’s continued to worsen. He didn’t know his yard, his home, or even where his bedroom was. It was difficult for him to remember a simple direction. His health condition had altered his whole demeanor. He had become short-tempered and easily angered. He didn’t understand what was happening. I guess he may have been fearful inside but was unable to communicate that, so it all came out in frustration. He needed us to be loving and patient, helpful, yet allowing him to keep his dignity. 

I was frequently running back and forth to my parents trying to be there for mom, so that she could get out of the house, and trying to help dad find some enjoyment in life. This was exhausting as I was working, I had a home to take care of, and a husband who was being neglected.

LORD, I NEED YOU!

Matthew 11:28-30 tells us to come to Him when we are weary and burdened. The Lord calls us to bring out weariness to Him and to find rest in Him. He tells us in Isaiah 40:31 “Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength…”

Whether you are physically, spiritually, mentally exhausted, or all three, your strength can be renewed. The Lord gives strength to the weary. He wants us to find our hope in HIm.

We live in a fallen world, our natural human strength gives out, but the Lord is able to meet us in that, He has an inexhaustible storehouse of resources at His fingertips. He knows that the pressures of life weigh heavy on us. Sometimes our burdens are too big to carry. We end up feeling as though we are ready to give up.

I screamed “I don’t want to do this anymore, it is too hard, it’s too much.” My tears fell. I didn’t know how I was going to make it through this time, but the Lord knew.

A number of years ago, a girlfriend and I attended a Dallas Holm’s concert at a church in a town about 25 miles from where we live. Dallas and his wife. Linda, sang and shared. The part of that amazing concert that sticks in my mind most, is not the beautiful music we heard, but something Dallas shared. He explained that at that time his wife was going through cancer. They had been crying out to the Lord, and one day as Linda prayed the Lord impressed on her heart Isaiah 45:3.  “I will give thee the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that thou mayest know that I, the LORD, which call thee by thy name, am the God of Israel.”  (KJV)

“Treasures of darkness” are the gifts of a loving God, who knows where you are and what you are going through. I would have written Dad’s story completely differently, editing out Dad’s disease and the torment of Alzheimer’s. I would have written his story so that it wouldn’t have ended with him in a nursing home. It wouldn’t have seemed so overwhelming and exhausting if I would have made his life plan.

But, I am not God, and I don’t have the powers to make life as I desire. Instead, I had to go through this rough journey with Dad, and it was difficult, and we didn’t know the way. But the Lord did give me “treasures” in the darkness of this difficult time. He taught me amazing truths about His love, and how to love others, about His wisdom and how He was at work. The darkness was a place I didn’t want to be, I wanted the easy comforts of life, where I could enjoy energy and relaxation. I didn’t want to live in stress, in fear, and feel so vulnerable to the unknown. I didn’t want to be running constantly trying to be available in so many ways. I didn’t want to see all of the pain, or feel it. 

I must say, I didn’t see the Lord gifting me with these treasures during that time, I think I was too bleary-eyed. Sad and tired. But, now I look back, and I have to smile, my God was there holding me up, giving me strength. He helped me to feel His love for me, and He helped me demonstrate His love. He was there teaching me that I am not alone when I needed Him most. He was there teaching me that I couldl count on him, rely on Him, and depend on Him. He is trustworthy. He supported me and strengthened me to do what I needed to do. And above all, His name was glorified in it all.

Yes, I was exhausted, and I felt at the end of my rope. I cried hot tears, it wasn’t easy. But He gave me precious treasures that I can hold in my heart forever, and He showed me that He is my Eternal Hope and Strength for this life.

The Lord replenished my strength as I spent time with Dad. At times, I would catch a gleam in Dad’s eye when he found success at doing something. Or at other times he would tease me or laugh at something that amused him. My heart would be encouraged to find Dad,  as I knew him,  still in there. My dad had an amazing sense of humor.

The psalmist writes in Psalm 138:3 “As soon as I pray you answer me, you encourage me by giving me strength.” The Lord answers our prayers in ways that help us know Him more. If I had had the power to rewrite Dad’s life story, I would have missed out on some very beautiful treasures from the Lord, and now I can say that I am glad that the story was written the way it was. It was God’s way, and He always knows best. It wasn’t the easy or painless way, but it was the perfect way.

Lord, I need you! The song still brings me to tears as I remember, bittersweet memories. My heart prays that our exhaustion and desperation may always bring us to recognize our need for the Lord so that we can find the hope and strength He has for us.