Reacting or Choosing

My Recalibrate Life read for the month of May is Worn Out Woman: When Your Life is Full and Your Spirit is Empty by Dr. Steve Stephens and Alice Gray. The authors promise that this book “will be a retreat for your soul if you are among the more than 60 million worn-out women in the U.S.”  My posts will highlight some of the thoughts shared in this book.

This week I want to share about how our lives can be different depending on what pattern we follow. Are you in a pattern of “reacting to the demand of others”? Or do you instead “actively choose how you want to invest your life”?

I know I fall into the pattern of reacting far more than choosing. Many times it is reacting out of habit, a habit that has grown through the years as I tried to manipulate and control in order to earn love. So I add more and more to my to do list as I continually say yes to opportunities and responsibilities, and then I end up resenting that I have so much to do. I resent that I never have time to do what I want.

Gray says,”…the items we never get to are sometimes the most important ones…’urgent’ issues will almost always crowd out those that are more important but less time-sensitive.” Gray mentions, as other authors of my recalibrate life reads have stated, that often our time with the Lord, as well as, time with family and friends are postponed or cancelled because of too much to do. We can’t do it all. I am not sure why we think we can, but somehow we get sucked into the trap of that mindset.

Oftentimes, we look at our progress on our to-do list to decide on how we are doing, How many items did I check off? What do I need to migrate to the next day? That can leave us feeling satisfied or anxious or frustrated. But is it a good measure? Gray suggests a better guage of measure is to take a look at our relationships. How are they going? How are we responding to our loved ones, to those closest to us?

This seems like a wise idea. I know, when I get in a place of overwhelm and frustration, I often am resentful and snap at those around me. When in reality, many things on my to-do list may be for their benefit, how is my doing those things helping the relationship if I am short with them? The point here, I think, is that it is not about how much I accomplish, but am I being loving? How can I show that love best, is it by checking off every item on my list or by being present and available?

And with that I am faced with the conundrum of how to move forward, because I want the satisfaction of accomplishing things and the love of the other person(s). I want to say “yes” to everything, and be everything to everyone, but in doing so my life becomes unbearable. Yet, the fear of disappointing and the fear of losing love push me on.

So, when options arise, and another opportunity presents itself, what should we do? We have to make a decision, we could react or we could choose but wait, there is another option  The authors suggest practicing “responsible procrastination.” They encourage us to not spend “all of [our] time on oughts and shoulds” we should “try to steal a little time for a favorite activity.” Take time to decide if what seems so urgent really matters that much and do something you enjoy in the mean time.

I am finding that taking a few stolen moments for things I enjoy throughout the day makes the whole day more enoyable, like sitting out on the patio journaling and sipping coffee or taking time to play with my bunnies. Stopping to read a chapter in a novel or pulling out my watercolors and splashing paint on a few pages of my creative journal. I am also finding how much I enjoy sitting down to listen to a podcast. Many of them are very thought-provoking and I am left encouraged with new ideas of how to move forward in an area of life. When I take extra time to do these life-giving activities I come back to my to-do list re-energized. These activities also give me space to really breathe and think things through so I can choose wisely.

Rushing through life, busy all of the time, feeling like I live in a pressure cooker has left me stressed and exhausted. Trying to control everything and saying ‘yes’ to everyone has not gotten me the love or approval I have been seeking.

Slow feet!– those word keep coming back to me. When I take it slow and don’t respond out of the neediness inside, it is only then I can even begin to muster up the courage to say “no.” But I must stop and take time to think about what will happen if I say “yes.” How will it affect my life and my relationships? When I stop and pray and take time to seek the Lord’s wisdom, He often shows me how unrealistic I am being in trying to add more things into my hours and my days.

Gray also suggests that another way to help ourselves is to not add any new activities or responsibilities unless we eliminate one. This is a practice I want to incorporate in my life. It seems like a good method for being responsible with my choices.

I am realizing that when I react immediately responding with what may feel good in the moment, often because I know it will please the other person, I usually end up regretting what I have agreed to do. When I stop and think, give myself time to pray and make a wise choice, the outcome, often, actually gives me peace. And if I know choosing something new will mean I have to give up something else, I may not be so quick to react.

It seems that choosing is definitely a better option than reacting. But it is an option that takes intentionality. It is an option I want to be intentional about in my life and that will take extra effort to put into action. It is another step on my journey to recalibrate life in 2019.

What about you? Do you need to work at actively choosing instead of reacting?

 

 

 

* Photo from Unsplash taken by Annie Spratt.

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The Diligent Intentionality of Slow Feet

I had coffee with a dear friend a couple of days ago and we shared about our walks with the Lord. We both discussed specific areas where we wanted to see growth, especially in recognizing His presence through the day and in being more attentive to the Holy Spirit’s nudges. Jan Johnson in Abundant Simplicity says, “Simplicity with time requires the diligent intentionality of creating enough space that I may say yes to God about treasuring God and loving people.”

Just before meeting my friend I had to stop at my church. This was an extra trip made necessary because I accidentally picked up a plastic bag that I thought was mine and did not realize my mistake until I got home. The extra trip had me agitated, my plan for the day already had too many things to do. On my drive there I told the Lord I was frustrated because it seems no matter how hard I try not to be busy, my time always shrinks because of extra things to do. And then I told Satan that my God is not a God of chaos but One of peace. I spoke out loudly against my busyness.

When I got to church my pastor greeted me and asked me how I was. I told him I was overwhelmed even though my life is quieter. My mind keeps racing with a never-ending list of things to do. He said one word, “focus,” and spoke of the importance of being present to what I am doing in the moment. I left church feeling settled, our conversation brought me back to Johnson’s words regarding the diligent intentionality of creating enough space…”

I have a lot I want to get done, but I can choose how I go about it. I can either race from one thing to another or I can slow down and be present focusing on one thing at a time. I am working at learning to focus at one thing at a time, but am obviously still struggling with it. Focus.

In Abundant Simplicity, Johnson suggests doing a “heart exam” asking yourself, “[what’s] running me?” Such a good question. Often the things that keep me racing through my day feeling overwhelmed and frustrated come down to my need to people please and to earn love. And I have mentioned that I realize I don’t get what I need from these measures, but I seem to be stuck in a habit of living this way. It is a bad habit that I am trying hard to change.

Johnson also suggest checking with the Lord about what He is calling us to do, with the emphasis being on loving Him and letting His love for me overflow to others. This definitely means a change in focus for me. Instead of focusing on my agenda, checking off the items to do, it means a constant checking in with God. How am I living out love in what I am doing? And it is an excellent reminder to help me really abide.

A few years ago I was at a women’s retreat. One afternoon we had a couple of hours of free time, so I decided to take a walk by the beach. There were lots of rock, and I love rocks! I am always trying to find one with special significance for the moment. So as I walked along this rocky path I talked with the Lord about what He wanted me to do, how I should move forward in life living out my mission. I also prayed that He would give me a special rock. I listened as I hunted. He seemed to tell me to have “slow feet.” I wrote this in my little notebook along with other snippets from the Spirit’s lead. I picked up a small rock that satisfied my desire and headed back to the retreat center. As I continued to walk there along the side of the path there was a rock that caught my attention, not because I was hunting but because it was the rock the Lord had for me. It is in the perfect shape of a foot (see featured image). So incredibly amazing is our God!

Proverbs 19:2 says, “One who moves too hurriedly misses the way.” The Lord wants me to have slow feet so that I don’t miss the way. He wants me to walk with diligent intentionality. I have circled back to those words “slow feet” often in the past few years. But it seems I always get caught up in the hurry of life. This time I am choosing diligent intentionality for the longterm future. It will definitely take focus!

Johnson suggests the importance of having margin in our days. She uses the example of Jesus. Jesus was constantly interrupted, and He allowed those interruptions to become times of blessing others. He made Himself available to the needs of others. He didn’t grumble that He had too much to do when someone begged to be healed or asked Him to meet a different need.

Johnson suggests that we need margin in our days. Time to breathe in between activities. Time for reflection and prayer. She says, [a] life of sabbath, pauses, and margin creates a stillness inside us that infuses each thought and conversation.” We need “whitespace” both in our lives and on our calendars. Making this happen may require that we set some boundaries. Johnson defines a boundary as “a practical statement of intentionality.” 

I am realizing, especially in my people pleasing, that I need to set boundaries. First, asking myself why I am saying “yes” to this as I consider it in my mind. Then, also making sure that I do not answer in a hurry, but instead taking time to prayerfully think about it. What will it require of me and my time? What will I have to give up in order to do it?

Just this morning I saw an opportunity online to learn Hebrew, and I thought about how much I would like to do it, I went to the page to sign up and I stopped. What am I doing? I had to remind myself that I cannot do everything. I can’t be in this writing group, and learn how to quilt with this group, and learn Hebrew online and keep adding more and more things. I closed the page that offered the class, and although, I’ll admit, I felt disappointed because it is something I would like to do, I realized cannot do it right now. It was acting on impulse, not walking with slow feet, not walking with diligent intentionality.

I am choosing to recalibrate my life with the diligent intentionality of slow feet. I will be sharing more of this process in future blogs. It is a process that takes time to learn, but I am determined to seek His way.

How about you, how are you being diligently intentional with your time?

 

 

Being Intentional About Yielding

Like the clay in the potter’s hands, we need to be pliable and yielded in life as we respond to the Lord.

The month of February is coming to an end and as it does I am ending my exploration of yielding. I never realized how much there is to think about in terms of yielding in my life. And now putting it into practice with intentionality is the next step.

Yielding is a choice in life, so each one of us come to a crossroad and must decide which way to go. Will it be my way or the Lord’s?

Here is a quick summary. Six ways to be intentional about yielding to Him:

1. Remember Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding, In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths.”  Seek Him in the decision-making process. When we take time to seek Him, acknowledge His sovereignty, and look for His direction, we can’t make impulsive decisions. Our decision-making process is slowed down. We learn to wait for Him and His wisdom.

2. Be aware of thoughts and self-talk. We need to evaluate the things that have a home in our minds and what we allow to come into our mind. Consider using Philippians 4:8 as a tool for thought inventory. Philippians 4:8 EXB says, “[Finally, In conclusion; or Now then] Brothers and sisters, think about [focus your thoughts on; fill your minds with] things that are true and honorable and right [just] and pure and beautiful [lovely] and respected [commendable]. If there is anything that is good [morally excellent] and worthy of praise, think about [focus your thoughts on, fill your minds with] these things.”

3. When our tongues are ready to burst forth with fiery words remember: Stop, Drop, and Roll.

  • Stop the words from leaving by putting a finger over your lips.
  • Drop that word. Think about what it would do, how it would affect the person receiving it.
  • Roll the intolerance or frustration over to the Lord. Ask Him to bring His peace to the situation.

4. As we go through our days, we can choose to

  • Abide in the Lord’s presence
  • Attend to His Spirit’s leading
  • Abandon our need for acknowledgement so He gets all of the glory  
  • Be Available to His call so His purposes can be fulfilled.

5. Take time to pray for the Lord’s transforming power to be at work in us.

6. Finally, remember to be the clay. That means developing a new willingness to be molded in Christ-likeness for His glory. Our goal is to be pliable to what He wants to do in and through us.

Take some time now to think and pray about which one you will start with to help you in yielding with intentionality.